hurt myself again today

[trickntreats]

WHO: Gabriel (Sylvester Wilton), [OPEN]
WHAT: Power discovery goes very, very wrong.
WHERE: Syl's caravan, the Cave, anywhere else it's conceivable to him to be
WHEN: 2 June - 9 June 2012
WARNINGS: None yet
NOTES: Looking for nummy new CR, or call-backs to earlier CR he hasn't spoken to for a while, especially for the initial helping-hand thread, please. :3 Multiple threads with the same character throughout the week are welcome. Also, Gabe will not be able to see peoples' souls for the duration.

Actionspam also welcome if that's better for people!


It was the conversation with the Doctor which had planted the thought in Gabriel's head. Well, the conversation with the Doctor and that little hole Re-l had discovered in the back of the wardrobe. The fact was that his constructs were, technically, a reality-warp. They used the fabric of reality to create something out of nothing ... well, nothing that could be seen, anyway.

And if he could do that, then maybe he could take things a step further into doing something else. Like actual reality manipulation.

Which was why he was staring contemplatively at the wall of Syl's caravan, ratta-tapping the counter. A small pocket to start with, he decided. A little safe in the wall. He could cover it with a painting, or something. It wasn't like anyone would assume there would be anything behind it, given the tininess of the caravan.

In the past he'd found that as long as he kept a detailed image of an object in mind, he shouldn't think too hard about the creation in order for it to work. As long as he knew how it was built, that seemed to be all he needed. Well, he knew how these reality manipulations went. So once he had a structured image of the little hidey-hole in mind, he lifted his hand and snapped his fingers.

The ensuing flash of light and shockwave which rattled the caravan was visible from blocks away. Gabriel pushed himself up onto his elbows, his head ringing and back aching as if he'd just been thrown against the far wall--which he had. He moved gingerly, pushing himself up against the wall that opened, breathing hard and blinking, and trying not to be sick. The nauseous feeling passed after a few minutes and the ringing in his head dulled to a slight throb.

His vision faded from the white turn of dizziness into steady blackness, and the archangel's stomach flipped over with dread. "Oh, no."

* * *

The next week was ... well, it was something close to Hell. Gabriel couldn't tell whether his screw-up had permenantly messed with his sight or not, and every time he opened his eyes and saw nothing it twisted his gut to such a degree that he felt sick.

Blind. Not just blind the way his brothers were still blind, but completely. He couldn't even move the caravan far, because he couldn't see the streets; there was an autopilot installed on the driver's booth, because Syl had referenced it in his notes, but the archangel couldn't see to program it in the first place. The archangel was forced to walk if he ever wanted to go anywhere, one hand planted firmly on a wall just so he could make sure he was going the right way.

And no angel radar meant he got lost. Frequently. There were few things as terrifying as having no wall, no concept as to where the wall was, and no idea if he was on the right street.

He managed to find his way to the train back to the Cave, once, on the 7th, with some intention of seeing the doctors there. Then some part of him had spoken up, told him he couldn't very well just give in like that, and he hadn't wound up going to see them at all. Instead he'd wandered, lost, through the Cave until he'd found his way back to the metro and returned to the City with his pride intact and his sanity shot.

The day he woke up to find his sight had returned, blurry at first, he was about ready to weep with relief.

Comments

June 2nd, caravan

[tactical_alert]

It was difficult to miss what seemed just like an explosion in the middle of the eerily silent, empty city. And if Malcolm were perfectly honest, it was a welcome distraction. The light had caught his eyes, and the shockwave rattled the ground beneath his feet. Instead of fleeing like he thought most civilians, rightly, would do, his officer training instead sprung him toward whatever new chaos had happened.

On the other hand, it meant whatever the new chaos was, it might be all over by the time he actually arrived somewhere around where it seemed to be coming from. There wasn't any smoke, no rubble or craters to be seen--a good sign, perhaps not exactly the explosion he'd immediately imagined it to be. His eyes did their distressing trick he'd come to realize had popped up during the journey across the land. He spied the caravan, and, well, it didn't quite seem to be in ship-shape, to say the least. Worth checking out.

"Hello?" he called when he got within range to be adequately heard. The subsequent echo sent a chill down his spine. He had images of sirens going off, police and fire vehicles, ambulances, but there was next to none of that. "Is there anyone in there? Or around at all?"

[trickntreats]

The sound of Brit-man's voice sent another throbbing spike into Gabriel's temples and the archangel breathed out, breathed in, and swallowed hard. It wasn't nearly as debilitating a headache as when he'd tried to summon the bridge, but it still wasn't good. He remained still, propped up against the photograph-covered wall behind him, blinking rapidly and waiting for his vision to clear.

It wasn't.

"In here," he said, voice raised but not quite a yell, shakier than he would have liked it to be if he wasn't preoccupied with the cold dread holding his stomach in a vise. The door on the end, beside the driver's booth, was open.

[tactical_alert]

Malcolm was quick but cautious, not immediately jumping in; after all, something had caused that not-quite-explosion. But when he spied no direct danger, he hopped through the door.

Ah, the angel--or the former angel. He didn't look too well. "Was that you? Or were you just caught up in whatever just happened?"

[trickntreats]

Gabriel jerked in surprise, craning his head in the direction of Malcolm's voice. His breathing was quick, ragged, his eyes wide and completely sightless, staring into the distance somewhere to Malcolm's side. His gut twisted. He hadn't seen the man coming. Not just physically, but spiritually. He couldn't see the soul.

The archangel's expression rearranged itself, aiming for something close to bitter amusement and not getting anywhere near it. The pain and the growing fear overtook any mask Gabriel might have tried to muster. "Have you ever tried to build something that blew up in your face?"

[tactical_alert]

Something wasn't right--well, that was plainly obvious enough as it was, but the angel had more wrong about him than just simply being tossed about a bit. Malcolm had a bit of field medicine under his belt, but there wasn't much that could be done for something like blindness.

He moved closer, slowly, and gave what he hoped was a more calming chuckle. "Unfortunately, a few times. It's a danger one faces when one habitually works with weaponry." A hand slipped onto Gabriel's shoulder. The other hand gave an experimental wave before his face, just to make sure there wasn't any recognition of movement of any sort. "Whatever blew up in yours caused quite the disturbance. I would have sworn I was going to come upon this street and find no street left."

June 4, near caravan

[tartanisstylish]

Aziraphale had been on his way to replenish his food supply when he realized that he hadn't seen another human being in days and days. Add to that a vague guilty concern about whether or not Re-l was back and he found himself heading to Gabriel's caravan. He'd almost made it - could, in fact, see bits of the caravan between buildings - when he noticed someone walking down the street with his hands drifting along the walls, walking as if directionless. Someone who looked sort of familiar.

Very familiar.

"Gabriel?" he said incredulously, not sure if he believed what he was seeing. This was not an archangel. Archangels were not meant to look so . . . helpless. Still, he rushed over and stopped just short of taking hold of Gabriel's elbow, hovering a few feet away.

[trickntreats]

In fact, he was limping slightly, because the archangel had already stubbed his toes more times than he could count. He shoulders were hunched, the hand not on the wall half held out as it searching for anything that might be in his way (like trash cans).

Aziraphale's voice made him straighten up with a jerk and take a step closer to the wall. Dad damn it, not Aziraphale. At least he could have talked Balthazar into not hovering, or at least trusted the other angel would be somewhat discreet. Gabriel wasn't sure how Aziraphale would react to this, but somehow the thought of the other angel's concern was more than the archangel could handle right now.

He heard footsteps and took another step back, hand still planted firmly on the wall while he tried to keep his mental map of the area in place.

"Why Azzy, I didn't know you were missing me!" His tone went for jocular and hit a note just a little over it which treaded on 'hysterical'. His demeanour screamed a cornered animal wanting to run, except there was no escape avenue.

And his amber eyes stared sightlessly just past Aziraphale's shoulder.

[tartanisstylish]

In his time, Aziraphale had met enough brilliant and powerful blind people that he'd thought the idea of blindness no longer bothered him. But the sight of Gabriel's eyes staring not at but through and beyond him made him shiver.

When Gabriel took a step back, he stepped forward, then managed to stop himself, fingers twitching. Everything about the archangel was telling him to go away, even Aziraphale couldn't ignore it, it was that obvious, and even though he couldn't leave, he could make space.

"I wasn't," he said, not realizing until he spoke that he was verging on angry - and where was that coming from. "What happ-- what have you done to yourself?"

[trickntreats]

"What I've done?" Gabriel started laughing, a horrible laugh ringing with such brittle and false brightness that it was still far too high-pitched to be anything but verging on hysteria. "What makes you think I did anything at all?"

No soul. No face. No expressions. All he had to go on was the sound of Aziraphale's voice, and even then the archangel's head pounded with such adrenaline that he didn't have a hope of divining the nuances no matter how capable he ought to have been at it, given his old skillset.

[tartanisstylish]

"Because it's you," Aziraphale said tightly, wishing he could make Gabriel calm down. He looked quite like Aziraphale imagined he himself had looked at his and Gabriel's first meeting: tightly wound, ready to jump at any potential danger. If Gabriel went into hysterics, he had no idea how he would even begin to control him.

Well, he did know in that he knew he wouldn't be able to, so there was that.

Friday

[delightme]

If it wasn't one thing, it was another in Balthazar's life lately. He wasn't completely sure if he liked it, but he figured it kept him and his mind busy. So busy that he really didn't find much want to drink, so he supposed that was a good thing. At least he was sure Gabriel would consider it a good thing.

And really, for someone who had such little concern for themselves, his older brother had really laid it on thick when Balthazar had gotten completely drunk out of his mind. That was probably the biggest reason why he found himself actually caring for what happened to Gabriel now. It was well known that beyond Castiel, Balthazar had almost non-existence bonds with the rest of his family. Now that the only real relationship to another entity he had ever had had been all but severed, he really struggled trying to justify another one. Especially with a member of his family, of all things. But here he was, standing in front of Gabriel's caravan.

This was likely a bad idea, he told himself, as it would inevitably lead to a talk about Cas. Something he didn't want to really talk too much about at the moment. The logical side of him knew that it was just cowardice to continue to put it off and hope it never came up. Castiel was here; best to get it over with.

"Gabriel?"

[trickntreats]

There were a few differences about the caravan since Balthazar had last visited. For one, judging by the webs on the wheels and the indents on the grass, the caravan hadn't moved in days. The door was open, and the inside was a little messier than it used to be, as if Gabriel wasn't bothering to try and put things (clothes, utensils) away.

What was the point? He'd just have to fumble to get them out all over again. That was one good thing about Aziraphale's hovering, that at least things were clean, even if they were untidy.

The archangel was still holding his phone, one hand resting on the counter as he made his way down the caravan's aisle to the door. At the sound of Balthazar's voice his head snapped up and he gave the other angel a sunny, utterly empty smile, his sightless gaze trained on some point past Balthazar's head. "Hi there, bro. Apparently I rank a trip on angel-airlines; wouldn't've thunk."

[delightme]

"Maybe," he began, tone light. "Perhaps I just needed the practice. Never mind the thought of walking all the way here is dreadful." Honestly, Balthazar was lucky it had even worked. There were times when trying to just transport from somewhere ended in him standing there looking like an idiot with his eyes closed. He found that if he didn't know the place or it was just too far away, his body stayed grounded. Even if he did get lift-off, the trip, no matter how far or short, left him with a nasty headache. He found that longer trips tended to leave him in a state of wanting to bash his skull in if only to make it stop pounding.

"Shall we go? Ah, wait, I should probably hold your hand on the way there, shouldn't I?" It was a harmless riff, anything to take the tension out of the situation.

[trickntreats]

"Oh, 'course, far be it for you to exercise." Not that Gabriel could talk, given that he barely had to walk anywhere. Well, before he was rendered unable to drive, anyway.

He made the door, sliding his hands along the frame and gingerly finding the step with his foot, making his slow way down. The archangel rolled his eyes and smirked. "No need to clutch my hand like a frightened date, bro. Nothing's going to jump out at you on the way just because you're daring the streets for once."

Even so, once he got to the ground he reached out, searching for Balthazar' arm. It wasn't even remotely a joke that he would need the guidance.

[delightme]

"Look who's talking." Before they had come here, both of their vessels had been a bit soft around the edges. Balthazar knew both of their bodies had shed a considerable amount of weight after all that had happened, although he wouldn't call himself healthier for it. In fact, he was pretty sure a diet of alcohol and self-loathing was as far from healthy as you could get.

The former angel didn't comment any further on the whole hand-holding business, instead just pushing his arm into his brother's reach. He knew they were both prideful in their own way; the fact that Gabriel really hadn't gotten in touch with him immediately after this all happened didn't really surprise him. Balthazar knew if something like this had happened to him, he doubted he'd look for help either.

"I dare the streets much more than you think. There's nothing better to do here, so I often take trips to nowhere in particular. If only to get a layout of this God-forsaken dump." Once Gabriel had a hold on him, the blond walked forward, knowing exactly where he was going.

June 9, sorry about the delay

[myfedorarocks]

Keeping himself busy was about the only way that Twitch kept sane. He was almost entirely useless as a doctor and knew it, too. He was still a grown man despite his unusual behavior, and that was something he was going to try and cling to, especially for the of the children in his dream. Even if it had been just a dream, it had been so real, so visceral, that he was going to hold on to the memory for as long as he could.

It was why he was planning on returning to the Cave today. Though it was probably not the most logical thing in the world, he felt the need to return to the Cave's library to see if he could find any information at all on the children in his dreams. He figured that they must have been children he had treated before the accident. So lost in thought, he wasn't paying very good attention to his surroundings.

np!

[trickntreats]

Gabriel had become frighteningly familiar with the feel of some particular footpaths and building walls. The ones near where his caravan was camped, that is. Part of him had wanted to ask one of his brothers to move it for him, just for a change of scenery, and he'd only just managed to quash the request when he realised that meant he'd have to relearn the area all over again.

He wouldn't have been able to handle that. So he didn't ask.

But it did mean, paradoxically, that he wanted new streets to walk. To figure out. Somehow, the idea of them becoming too familiar in his darkness was scarier than tripping over trash cans every few feet. Even though he was doing even that slightly less, now.

You'd think that a blind man would hear someone else walking down the street, but Gabriel was concentrating so hard on not thinking anything at all that he didn't know Twitch was there until he rounded the corner and collided hard with the doctor.

[myfedorarocks]

Twitch collapsed on the floor, living up to his name as he stood up, brushing himself off for a moment before he moved to help the man to his feet. "Sorry, sorry," he said in a low, quiet voice. He hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, too used to not running into people in such an empty city.

"Are you okay?"

The man looked uninjured as far as he was able to tell, but then, he didn't remember much at all about being a doctor.

[trickntreats]

The archangel wasn't expecting it for much the same reason. He staggered against the wall, his balance off enough that he wound up having to slide down it to the ground or else actually fall over.

Blinking, Gabriel looked up at the sound of the man's voice, sorting through his disorientation to figure out which one he was. "Oh, hey," he said, trying to muster a grin and failing at the sheer cruel irony, "you're the twitching doc, aren't you?"

His eyes stared past Twitch's shoulder.

[myfedorarocks]

"Oh, it's you," Twitch said, frowning. But he was still a doctor, and he needed to make sure that the man was all right, even if he was annoying and rude. He was also obviously blind, which seemed strange since he had been communicating with text. "Are you injured?" he asked after a moment. Despite what he had said, he was still the doctor in the city, even if being a doctor mostly involved basic first aid.

He fiddled with his sleeve, watching the man carefully.

June 3rd

[brightblueeyeshadow]

Re-l had been back for almost thirty-six hours before she wandered even close to the caravan. Partly it was the exhaustion of her journey biting into her, but more than that, she was full of doubt. She'd never meant to let herself get this close to anyone in this other world. Her only goal was to go home. Relationships were totally unnecessary. And so she'd promised herself that when she came back she would maintain that distance.

On the other hand, there could be no harm in simply dropping by to say hello. Especially as she'd been gone for much longer than she had said she would. And she could use a cup of coffee.

The kitten clung to her shoulders, its needling paws still too weak to pierce her skin. It was only eight weeks old, and about two feet in size. It would not be small enough to carry for long, but it definitely enjoyed being up high. Its fur was speckled, and its ears were tufted. In shape and size it was more like a lion than a tiger, but the shape of the ears and the tail belonged to neither. Re-l neither knew nor cared about any of this. She thought of it as the kitten, and was perfectly content.

The caravan, when she found it, was in the middle of a park, and was closed up, which was unusual. She wondered if Gabriel had guests, and then wondered why she cared. She was only stopping by, after all.

She rapped sharply on the door with her knuckles, and called out.

"Hello? Are you home?"

[trickntreats]

Gabriel's hands were still trembling. It was a mix of adrenaline and fear, and weariness, and a number of other things too complicated to name. They had discovered the Doctor's disappearance only yesterday, and Gabriel wasn't sure whether to risk turning to his brothers or not.

So he holed himself up in the caravan, alternately sitting on the counter and staring into space or moving around the tiny area, trying to remember where everything was. Once he tried to make something to eat. There were now bits of china on the floor, and his foot throbbed where he'd stepped on one but hadn't been cut, and he was leaning against the counter, breathing hard and trying to pretend there wasn't a prickle in his sightless eyes.

The knock on the door made him jump so hard he banged his head on a cupboard and half-groaned, half let out something approaching a sob, holding where he'd hit it. Then he registered Re-l's voice and froze, suddenly overwhelmed by duelling emotions of she's alive! and not now, not now!

In the end he said, his voice strangled, "Yes?"

[brightblueeyeshadow]

Something was wrong. His voice was too quiet. Re-l had no idea what it was, but some part of her felt annoyed. Wasn't he curious about what had happened to her?

She considered barging in, and then her mind presented her with several unpleasant scenarios. Better to stay outside.

The kitten rubbed its cold nose against her cheek, looking for food or attention. She raised one hand absently and stroked its head between the ears.

"I have something to show you," she said. "Can I come in?"

[trickntreats]

Could she come in. Of all the times ... He shifted and his foot came down on a piece of china with a crunch and a stab of pain which made him jerk back with a curse. His heel hit the cupboard, sparking pain up his ankle; he grit his teeth and gripped the edge of the counter tightly, then very carefully leaned down to make sure he wasn't bleeding. He wasn't, so he let out a slow, faintly shaken breath.

There was freaking china on the floor and he had no way to clean it up, because he couldn't freaking find anything without knocking something else over. No matter what Re-l was going to say, he needed the help. And part of him, under the humiliation and dread, was relieved beyond words that she was all right.

"Yes," he said, and his tone was small and defeated.

[brightblueeyeshadow]

Re-l pushed the door open, and stepped inside. Part of her was glad he had said yes, but she didn't want to think about that, and besides, it was buried under the sense of wrongness that pervaded her consciousness. As a detective Re-l had gotten into the habit of relying on her instinct. It was honed to detect the subtle mistakes evident when a crime is committed or a lie concealed. Neither of those were the case right now, but her sensor was still going off.

The caravan was messy in a way she had never seen it before, in a way that didn't match with Gabriel's personality. He could be slap-dash, certainly, but he kept his own space tidy. Now there was spilled flour on the counter and fragments of china on the floor.

Worry swallowed her, and she put a hand on the kitten to stop it from jumping off her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" She kept her voice cold and distant. She had promised she wouldn't get involved.